THE VERY POLITE BUSHRANGER


© Doc Bland

A career in finance has, for some folk, long been a sure way of making it to the top.
*Note: any resemblance to Prime Ministers past or present is entirely coincidental.

The stagecoach turned a corner near the creek at Wangaroo
To be bailed up by a bushranger who called out “How d’yer do!
Please disembark now, easy – I mean no threat to your health.
I wish only to relieve you of the burden of your wealth”.

He beamed, a wide apology, his pistols straight and level.
“Audacious”, thought his victims. “The man’s the very devil”.
“The inconvenience will be brief”, he said with quiet demeanour,
“And I humbly apologise”, his smile becoming keener.

“Now please, unload your pockets,” he requested of the men,
Then smiled and kissed the ladies’ hands as he was robbing them.
He took their jewellery and their gold, he took their bags of cash,
And mounting on his horse declared, “Excuse me, I must dash”.

He called to the small company before he rode away,
“Thank you all, it’s been so nice, now have a pleasant day,”
He raised his hat and headed off at quite a gentle pace
To leave looks of bewilderment on every victim’s face.

“Well, that was cordial,” someone spoke, the thief now out of sight.
“Could have been worse,” another said, “And he was so polite”.
They all agreed the bushranger was quite a gentleman,
“So charming,” said one lady, blushing red behind her fan.

It wasn’t long before the stories of his exploits spread.
A bounty of five-hundred pounds was placed upon his head.
But everywhere he went, his victims spoke of him with pride,
Each one of them beguiled and each one seemed to take his side.

In time, his reputation had surpassed that of the King
And, instead of being captured, he was cheered when entering
Each new town where he’d plunder their post offices and banks,
While always smiling courteously, and offering his thanks.

And in due course, in Wangaroo, he was elected mayor,
His ill-gotten fortune used to help the townsfolk there.
He joined a certain party, attracting many votes,
Smiling for photographers, delivering smooth quotes.

His charm and winning ways soon took him to the very top,
Becoming the prime minister* and vowing he would stop
His wayward ways of bushranging as, now, he could relax
And take all that he needed from the people’s income tax.