Artist: John Pampling

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John Pampling

I started writing bush poetry in 1997 at the age of 50. After recovering from brain surgery this gave him a new lease on life. Now being able to see the funny side of life, I prefer to write humorous tales. However I do write serious poems as well! One such poem is “The Old Blacksmiths Shop” which earned me a highly commended in the inaugural Graham Fredrickson written poetry competition a few years ago. I am also fond memories of growing up in Ipswich and travelling in steam trains as a young lad and also write a good yarn about them. I perform at regular concerts organised by North Pine Bush Poets and also have appeared as a guest speaker at garden clubs and local rotary and lions clubs around the district.

Area:  Brisbane, South East Qld

Years Performing: 23

Entertainment style:  Humorous, Serious

Merchandise: The Colours of Australia & other bush verse (Book: $15), The Joker Writes Again (Book: $15, CD: $20), When Jimmy Died (CD: $10).

Poet/Writers work

GRANNY AND THE PILL

© JOHN “THE JOKER” PAMPLING
260608

It is not my intention to educate you on particular pharmacy drugs and their uses, rather to point out that you can’t trick Grannies, they’ve been around just too long.

The old Doc in our little town had given up the game.
He headed for the sunny coast where things were not the same.
He’d served this town for fifty years, ‘twas time to take a rest.
He reckoned that old Redcliffe Town was where he’d like to nest.

The new Doc called old Granny in to have a drug review,
He asked about the pills she took, the old ones and the new.
He slowly worked right down the list of all the drugs she took,
And said, “You’re taking way too much, no wonder you’re so crook.”

He said, “Ok you need the ones to regulate your heart.
And yes you need the vitamins to get an early start.
I see you take Glucosamine to ease your aching knees
And yes you need Polaramine to minimize the sneeze.

I see you’re taking little tabs to keep your blood in check
And Analgesic pills to ease the pain that’s in your neck,
And yes you need your Insulin, you’re diabetic too.
I know you get the flu quite bad, and need your Tamiflu.

Ah-ha, you’re taking Warfarin to thin your gunky blood,
And Ditropan you’re taking too, to minimize the flood.
He said, “You’ve no good reason to take contraception pills.
I’m sure they’re doing nothing to improve you’re aches and ills.”

“But Doc, they help me sleep at night, they ease my troubled mind,
Without those pills I’d be a wreck and that would be unkind.”
“Now come on dear,” the doctor said. “Explain how this could be,
Just how these pills would help you sleep, I’m damned if I can see.”

“It’s simple Doc, my granddaughters are wanton and they’re wild,
And I’d be devastated Doc., were they to get in child.
So I crush up those little pills and sprinkle on their tea,
Then go to bed and sleep all night, contented, and carefree.”